I am struggling this week with patience and anger. A while ago I started a bad habit. I habit that I knew would be a bad one when I started it, but being 9 months pregnant and anticipating a newborn, I had to maintain some sanity. I started laying down with Olivia when she falls asleep for naps. I know that this is not the worst habit a parent could do, nor am I the only one who does this. But, I have always taken pride in good sleep habits and this is not one of them. Olivia worsened in her naptime habits about staying in bed. When we first started the big girl bed, it took a few tries, but she would stay in. Then it started to take hours to get her down. Not okay with me, so I started the habit. She didn't even want me to lay with her, it started out as a consequence for not staying in bed. She'd totally be happier if I left her alone to crawl out of bed and be a stinker. But then she'd never sleep and my sanity would be gone.
Recently, I had decided it was time to break the habit. Not because it wasn't working anymore, but because I was feeling guilty about the badness of my habit. I want to be a perfect parent after all...right... So I tried to make some changes. These changes have led to long, drawn out naptime drama that leads to very angry, frustrated, mean, nasty, ugly, regretful, guilty mom. I do not like the me that I become when this happens. All of my good parenting priciples go out the window and nasty mom comes out. When I finally just lay down with her because I'm spent and regretting my nasty mom behavior, I watch her precious little face and body relax and I think, How can I be so nasty to such a sweet, innocent little girl?
I've decided that this habit doesn't matter. I've sought advice for how to change it and none of it seems fitting for Olivia. I would rather take 15 minutes out of my day to lay down and cuddle with my sweet little girl (who isn't going to be little for long) than take 2 hours trying to put her down for a nap and end up being nasty mom. However resigned I am to this habit, I still feel like a bad mom. I've told her I was sorry for when I became nasty mom and she doesn't seem any different, but I don't want to be that person anymore.
So here's the time to change! I will vow to take that special time with my little girl each day and lay down with her for her nap so that we can spend that time together. I will look at that time as quality time with her, and not as a bad hait that I should not be engaging in.
What "bad habits" do you do as a mom, and how do you make yourself feel better? What brings out the nasty mom in you? (Because I know I'm not the only one!!)
3 comments:
I'm a sucker for letting them have dessert even thought our rule is that if they don't eat well, they get none. Sometimes I "forget". I also become "nasty mom" for the little things they do and not the big things. It's weird. I can handle big things better with a firm timeout. With little "annoying" things, I tend to get mad. It is difficult to find that inner peace when you have screaming children...but I am working on it!
I dont think you laying with her is a BAD habit at all! but a totally prescious thing to do with her every day! seriously....I LOVE when I get to lay down with one of my kids! =)
I tend to do really good when we are out and about...they may not be terrible, but a little sass here, a little disobidient there, but I handle it really well. And then we walk in the door and for no reason what so ever I get really crabby! what is that about? I hate it.
my bad habit (that IS bad) is when I want them to do something, so I yell it to them (not at them...to them) b.c I am in the other room doing something and then I dont realize for 20 minutes that they haven't done it so I just keep yelling it at them...way to enforce listening to me, huh?! =)
I am the same way with sleep habits. I pride myself on creating good ones for E! At least there's one thing I've done right! :)
My nasty mom thing.. I don't feel good about the person I become when Elijah refuses to eat a meal. With his health issues, this freaks me out and I tend to put a lot of pressure on him which never ends well. I wish I could just relax.... So I guess my weakness would be food. I give him the food he likes just so he eats. This is something I NEVER thought I would do before becoming a mom.
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