My good friend Marci had a sweet baby girl one week ago today. This morning, since my children are still gone and her eldest was at Grandmas, I went to spend some time with her and little Gracie. I had previously brought her all my baby girl clothes (sigh), but they needed to be sorted and we also made her announcements. Through it all, I got to hold sweet baby Grace all morning. It made my uterus flutter. :) Not enough where I want to have another baby anytime soon, but made me feel a little sad for the hectic time I felt last winter.
I know I've said this before, but I was SERIOUSLY miserable being pregnant with Aidan. And I didn't help myself out trying to be more positive. I regret this SO much. Being in the field that I'm in, I can accurately say that I was probably depressed and experienced some post-partum depression too. Overall, I was fine afterwards, but I was easily brought to anger, anxiety, and sadness, more so and longer lasting than just due to all those hormones! That being said, I know I didn't cherish my time being pregnant and I don't think I fully cherished my time with Aidan as a new born.
As I thought about this time this morning, it all seemed a blur, and there wasn't a lot that I remember clearly. So I wanted to take some time today to remember those first few days with my man.
I remember stopping at Walgreens on the way home from the hospital (why? I don't know...).
I remember walking into the house and Olivia and Maren were playing a game jumping from the coffee table onto the couch.
I remember lunch being ready and the table was set...soup, bread, and bars (yum!). I had to get a pillow from the couch to sit on. :)
I remember barely sleeping a wink those first few nights and spending a lot of time sleeping on the couch, and a lot more time worrying that this would ruin him for ever sleeping on his own!
I remember our first outing as a family was to North Branch to buy myself a pair of jeans, then to McDonalds for lunch so Olivia could play...Aidan pooped EVERYWHERE. :)
I remember going to church for the first time and trying not to cry from all those hormones when they had us stand up in front of the church to show off our little man.
I remember crying when Olivia wouldn't take a nap.
And crying when I let Aidan cry to try and get Olivia to nap.
I remember snuggling with both of them on the couch and snuggling with just Aidan on the couch.
I remember being worried that I wasn't spending enough time with either of them and they would both be "ruined" because of it.
I remember being so thankful for two healthy children.
I remember regretting being so negative during my pregnancy that it had become all about being pregnant and not about my sweet baby.
I remember pumping for the first time and Olivia staring at me like I was an alien....then wanting to try it her self. :)
I remember taking Aidan to his PIP appointment and already having my "thank yous" and announcements done. :) Visiting Susan after my appointment to give her an announcement & thank you, and feeling more normal than I had felt in a long time!!
I remember taking them both to Target for the first time and felt so encouraged that I could do it all by myself!
I guess I remember more than I thought and that makes me feel so happy! I have worked so hard this (almost) year to think more positively and cherish every moment. I am so thankful for my life!
7 comments:
Thanks for sharing Ehlan! This is something I never would have guessed, I wad always envious, because you looked like a natural and always seemed so together with the kids.
I felt a lot like you did after my second child, and the second pregnancy was awful!! Thanks for sharing, I glad I am not the only one with a similar memory. FYI : The third child is A LOT easier. Just in case you were curious...hehehee ; -)
Great memories to record and I appreciate the honesty!
This post is awesome! It SO sums up how I'm feeling right now. Trying to cherish these times, yet going insane when the girls won't nap, and Isaiah's not eating right. I don't want to forget this, he's our last and that makes me sad. Just knowing someone else has felt the same way is really encouraging! Thanks for stopping by my blog, I'll be around yours now too :)
I have spent a lot of time thinking about how I did not appreciate my pregnancy and first few months with Ella. It makes me really sad to think of the joy I missed out on, and I am trying to mentally prepare myself for another go around so I will hopefully enjoy it more. Thank you for your honesty, it helps to know I am not the only one who has struggled after giving birth.
my pregnancy and labor with Tate (also my second) was very hard too. Plus, Bill started going over the road 3-4 nights a week when Tate was just 1 month old...I remember looking at him when he was 6 months old and realized I had NO idea who he was. I had been so wrapped up in (who knows what) everything about my life that wasn't him.
I remember changing his diaper when I realized this and just started crying.
After that, I started focusing on him every time I changed his diaper (as starters) b.c it was just him and me. Before I knew it...I had SO many things I knew about him!
I am glad you remember more than you thought you did =) but I am also proud of you for focusing on being more positive over the past year. that is easier said than done!
It is hard in the first few weeks and months with a newborn especially if there is an element of Post Natal Depression adding to it. I think in the future you will be so glad to have blogged with little kids. It will bring back the details of the fun times you are having with them right now.
By the way. I came to your blog via a link you left on a friends blog. You mentioned a banana bread recipe using blueberries. I picked 4 kilos of blueberries with my kids in the pouring rain this morning and would love if you blogged the recipe or posted it in a comment!
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