When I dropped Olivia off at daycare yesterday, I sat down to have a conversation with Leah about her crying episode on Monday. I wanted to let her know the new strategies I was going to try to make Monday morenings a more pleasurable experience for all, as well as give her some suggestions about some things to help Olivia. She started the conversation by saying to Olivia, "Are you going to be a screamer today, or a good girl?" (Indicating of course that last time she was a bad girl.) Then she went on to tell me about how she has nicknamed Olivia "The Screamer". WAIT, It doesn't end there! THEN she told me about how her Aunt & Uncle were going to be coming by the house today so she made sure to tell them to come before 2 because that is when "The Screamer" was coming.
I was incredibly hurt by her comments and I was not confrontational enough to tell her about it at the time. I said I was frustrated and was trying to figure out what to do to make the time go better and proceeded to tell her my ideas. I have decided that Leah just isn't going to give me any sympathy in the situation. By the way, Olivia was very happy to see Leah and had a great day at daycare yesterday.
So I am feeling stuck now. I have been asking myself over and over, IS this the best fit for Olivia? Olivia was very happy yesterday and had a great day so I know she is getting good care, however, I don't know that I want her to be around someone who is going to call her "The Screamer". She has only had 2 bad days at day care, and both of those days just had bad chunks of time--meaning not the whole time was bad...I certainly don't think that's enough to earn such a horrible nickname. I really don't know what to do. I am working up the courage to talk to Leah to tell her that I don't appreciate Olivia being called that--without crying!! Of course, maybe if I cry it will make her feel bad...hmmmm...
Any suggestions about how I should handle the situation? I would really appreciate peoples comments--even if you don't have babies, or babies in daycare!! THANKS!
10 comments:
I would have probably not said anything either...I would have been furious though!
I guess the best thing to do is really sit down and talk to Leah, and just let her know that you're really offended by her calling Olivia that. Maybe if it was a little joke (or something) she'll get the point. Otherwise, I'd really consider going somewhere else...but that's me, sans kids, and knowing that it's super hard to find good daycare!!
I would talk with Leah and I would be upset too. It would be different if she sounded like she was joking. When she said she told her relatives not to come after 2 because the "Screamer" would be there, then I think it crossed the line. It just sounds rude and tactless.
Even if you choose not to say anything now, if the comments continue you should definitely say something and find new daycare. I know we are lucky our daycare has a good staff and we have never heard any bad comments about John Jr. (except maybe he was fussy).
Keep us posted on what you decide. I hope things work out well for you.
Does Leah just watch Olivia or does she actually run a daycare? That's just a sidenote question b/c I can't imagine that someone who runs an actual daycare would handle that situation so unprofessionally! I agree with Cherie that if it was a joke (perhaps in poor taste), then she really crossed the line with the aunt/uncle reference. With comments like these, I can understand your struggles with worrying about what people think of Olivia; the truth is that the comments are the source of the problem, not Olivia. Do you have any other daycare options?
Leah runs a day care out of her home--just a few kids. I'm thinking about looking into a nanny...anybody know anything about that service? Cherie-where do you bring John Jr?
Thanks everyone for your comments! Keep them coming, it really helps!
Yikes. What a tricky situation. My initial response is to give Leah the benefit of the doubt and say she did not realize the impact of her words. But, that doesn't take the impact away. Ehlan, I'm sorry that she say those things, I would be upset and hurt too.
As for a way to approach the situation...as much as I believe in the straight forward approach, in which you say, "why are you naming my daughter 'The Screamer?'" I think that will only result in her being defensive. Instead, it may be best to just talk with her about how to make Olivia more comfortable so that everyone is happier. Or even, ask her what she thinks can be done about the situation. She has children and she has experience with other person's children, so you would think she would have some goodfeed back. By asking her these things, you can revisit the topic in a less awkward way. And, if she has a negative response or if she calls O "the screamer" again, you can point out your disapproval for the nickname, and then start looking for a new, and more sensitive, child care provider.
I would tell her how that made you feel... don't worry if you cry. You're a mother and comments about your children are taken personal!
Olivia is still learning out to communicate her needs.. she's still so little for goodness sakes! I'd scream if no one could understand me too! Talk to the teacher and if you don't feel like it's resolved... perhaps look elsewhere. You have to feel good about where you are leaving your little one.
John Jr. goes to Little Sprouts Child Care Center in Isanti.
I think it would be nice to have a nanny - I don't think we can afford it now.
I think it is a good idea to talk with Leah to see how you can work with her to help Olivia's day go smoothly at daycare.
Ultimately, you need to feel comfortable with the person caring for your child.
I missed this post and am just reading it today and it makes me fuming mad that someone would say something like that!
How long has Olivia been in daycare?
Personally, I think that is unacceptable. She should be open to what you suggest because YOU are Mommy and also, nicknaming your baby the screamer??? I'd be very upset by that.
If she's not willing to see that she has done something wrong and hurtful (if you're willing to sit down and chat with her), I'd personally look for a new place.
Dan and I have thrown around the idea of a nanny, too. Daycare isn't ideal, but we try to pull the good out of it since we really can't afford a nanny.
Oh and by the way, we share a favorite tv show (Office), favorite book (She's come undone) and favorite movie (Amelie). :)
Thanks again so much for your comments everyone! I greatly appreciate everyones support!!
I'll keep you posted.
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